Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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