My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
