1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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