i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
