I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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