Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
