11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize