i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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