Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
