I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
