mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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