the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
