WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize