Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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