I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
