You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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