So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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