Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
