butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
