Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
