I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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