I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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