i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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