Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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