Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
