let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
