I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
