oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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