at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
