Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
