I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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