No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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