Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
