better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
