The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
