It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
