it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
