someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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