it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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