You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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