just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
