his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
