you would pick up someone in the library
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize