my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
