Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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