tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I need moral support for this bender
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
