I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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