And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
