we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
