Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
