Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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