i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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