remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
