so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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