I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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