so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
