You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
