i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
