24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
