I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
