why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
