no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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