He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
