So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
