Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
