Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You are the jesus of drinking
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
