My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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